When I was in cancer treatment it was easy. Even though at every turn I was faced with some decision that would affect my life, even though, at what seemed like a daily event, I watched my body slowly get worse and worse, it was still easier than this.
It is the aftermath of cancer that strips you of everything you might possibly have left. It just seems that disaster never ends and just when you think you might have a leg up, you get slapped in the face again. I haven't slept in 3 years. My body hurts more than I like to admit. And the financial piece seems to never end.
When the days are bad, I snap. I can't keep my anger within the cells of my body any longer. I don't even care who my anger is directed at anymore. What's worse I'm mean. They say that the mean people are those with miserable lives -- they are right. I am miserable and in this vortex that I have no idea how to get out of.
I want people to know they've done me wrong when they've done me wrong and they don't seem to even care. It seems the more we attach ourselves to technology, to our phones, our Ipads, our MP3 players the more we detach from the world. We forget that we're human, that people have feelings and that there is more than just "I" in the world.
I want to crawl out of my skin and fly away, but I cannot. I'm not a dragonfly waiting to end this life stage and enter into the next. I'm just a girl with a really heavy suitcase.
