Today Begins my 50th Year

Today at 8-ish AM Pacific Standard Time, I turn 49 and enter my 50^th year. I’m certainly far from perfect. I tend to learn the hard way. I often speak then think. I react. I move through life full-on. I take everything in. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't look back. And I have no regrets.  

In 49 years of living on the planet, I've learned a few things.

1. Everything that happens in my life and the lives of those around me is not all my fault. Failure to take responsibility stunts growth. Most times circumstance is dual-authored, each contributing equitably. I believe that in order to learn, I must first take ownership of my contributions. I have also learned that that does not mean taking responsibility for the contributions of others – that stunts growth like a record with a scratch.
2. Use the word "I" more than "you" when placing blame or reflecting on an incident. I've received more than one email, text, letter, or phone call filled with "you's." Personally, I've committed the "you" crime on more than one occasion. Just recently, I received an 8-sentence email that contained the word "I" twice and "you" ten times. I chose not to be part of that friendship any longer. I also choose to write my future using "I" more often.
3. The biggest travesty of the 21^st century is the cell phone. It is as if being rude has become part of our culture. When did it become acceptable to take a call while sitting across the table from someone? Or in line at the grocery store? I'm not so nice when someone refuses to acknowledge an employee ringing up their purchases. It often comes out like this, "This beautiful [lady or man] deserves your attention and respect you self-serving prick."
4. It’s not my job to count another person's mistakes (obviously still learning; see #3 with my response to ill-mannered cell phone users).
5. Embrace failure, it's the step right before success.
6. Bucket lists are for wimps. If there is something you want to do, do it. I'm often criticized for my lifestyle, but there is not a damn thing on my bucket list. When I show up at the pearly gates of heaven or the iron fists of hell, I will have no regrets. I once read: I do not want to do the same thing every day for 90 years and call that a life. Amen, sister!
7. Typically, things are more beautiful for what I don't see than what I do see. Take an extra minute to sit quietly. Feel those things you can't see. I recently visited the Gloucester Cathedral in the U.K. In the silence, I could imagine the world created in a Ken Follet book.
8. I've met some of the most interesting people on planes. I was maybe six or seven years old when I remember my first flight. My brother and I visited the pilots in the cockpit and received our "wings," a pin for our lapel. I remember looking at the world through the window of driver's seat thinking it's all right there – the whole world is waiting for me. Since then, I pick the brains of my fellow travelers. I make friends, many of whom are still friends to this day. Don't know what to say? Try, "Where are you going?" You're on a plane for god's sake!
9. Environmentalism is not a fad. I carry my own bamboo fork and spoon (TSA approved) and travel mug capable of eating or drinking from. I use a Final Straw. I respect the ground I walk on and the oceans I swim in. Of Recycle, Reuse, and Reduce – reduce is my fav.   
10. Above all else, I am a human being. I make mistakes. I say things I wish I could take back. I've hurt people – and some of those people are very close to me. But each day
    I live a more authentic life. Each day I embrace the bad and the good in me and the people around me. I strive to make decisions that positively impact my life and the lives of those around me. The only thing I can do today is live my best life.

All we can do is the best that we can do.

Happy birthday to me. I am alone today but surrounded by all of those that have touched my life in one way or another. Thank you and may your next year be more amazing than this one. 

Some Words Just Change Meaning

I've noticed in my lifetime that some words lose their meaning, while others change their meaning. Some words (and names) are retired forever. Hashtag -- you mean number? Hitler -- retired forever.

Campfire is another such word. I set out this evening to watch a movie. It was by Campfire Productions, a television production company founded in 2014. At the beginning of the movie an arrow crosses the screen, the word "campfire" is seen just above the arrow and a small campfire graphic displays just left of the word. The only noise is that of which a small campfire would make.

Having decided to donate all of my birthday and holiday money to the Camp Fire this year, I went to Paradise in late November. What I saw took my breath away. When I read the words across my screen "campfire" I was right back there, in Paradise. The sound of the campfire coming through my computer's speaker literally stopped me.

I realized that the word, campfire, has taken an entirely new meaning. And I didn't live in Paradise. I have a house, all my belongings, my dog, my car. But nonetheless, that word moved me. And the noise of a crackling campfire stopped me.

I met several people while in Paradise. The first person I met was an insurance adjuster. She was kind. She asked if I was an adjuster. I told her that I wasn't. I told her I was there to find out how and where to donate money to the victims of the fire.

I watched as crews began the arduous task of restoring utilities, removing trees, and cleaning up in the wake of the fire.

The trees were marked. One by one the marked trees were felled to the ground and cut into rounds. The rounds left behind, often the only thing on the property other than very large piles of rubble where once a house stood.

The burned houses were ghostly. I knew that many people lost their lives inside their homes. My mom told me she heard on the news that every vehicle with an "x" meant that the vehicle had been searched for missing persons. That only added to the sinking feeling in my gut.

Life once was in each of those houses. Birthday parties, white elephant gift exchanges. The rooms were decorated. Photographs hung on the walls. Secrets stored away in the closet. Friendships made. Lovers met.

The insurance adjuster said she had never seen anything like this before in her career. She said that no one could comprehend this without actually seeing it in person. I believe her.

I found what I was looking for and far more than I wanted. An emergency animal shelter was constructed from tents that are set up for weddings and large events. But, instead of parties, the tents had kennels with animals lost in the fire. Hundreds. One volunteer estimated 500 animals were lost in the fire, including dogs, cats, hamsters, bunnies, horses, and other farm animals.

I dropped off Theodore's old crate. I asked where to donate money and how to do that. I left.

My final stop was to drop off donations I'd gathered in Truckee, water bottles, sleeping bags, jackets, rain suits. I found the Oroville Hope Center's warehouse. The Hope Center rented two additional warehouses -- one for donations and one for victims of the fire to pick up boxes of supplies.

The warehouse was about half the size of a Costco and completely full. Tables stretched in rows from one end to the other with sorted clothing and supplies. Boxes were put together for families to pick up (at the other warehouse).

It was mechanical in nature. I drove up. Volunteers emptied my car. I drove away. The next car drove up. Meanwhile, inside, volunteers sorted the wares placing them on appropriately categorized tables. Oddly, the warehouse was so clean. It was a stark contrast from where I had just been.

After dropping off my donation I stopped to buy a bag of oranges. It seemed odd to buy oranges. I later juiced them and drank fresh squeezed orange juice for a week.

I would think of the Camp Fire every now and again as I heard from friends that lived in Paradise and the surrounding area.

But if I was being completely honest, the Camp Fire has shifted space from the front of my mind to occupy another part of my brain where I don't think about it. And then something like a production company will bring me back.

I know that people are still reeling in the aftermath of the largest, most destructive, and deadliest fires in our history. But for the rest of us that are not right there, it has begun to take a backseat. It's not something we hear about on the news anymore or read about in the paper. But it happened.

And what happened was a shift in the meaning of the word campfire. Things are a certain way and then, they're not.